"Why can't I orgasm?" If that's a question that you often ask yourself, take comfort in the fact that you're not alone. According to WebMD, around 10% of women have never had an orgasm (with or without a partner). But the good news is, it's possible to learn how to orgasm.
Q: Why Can't I Orgasm?
A: You might just need to practice these two steps.
The secret to orgasming is learning the balance between tension and relaxation, writes sex therapist Louanne Cole Weston in this WebMD article. If being simultaneously tense and relaxed sounds impossible to you, trust us when we say that it's not as complicated as it sounds.
Here's what learning how to orgasm entails.
1. Flex your muscles
While relaxation is an important part of a satisfying sex life, that doesn't mean that lying there like a dead fish is a good idea. Tensing up (some of) your muscles during sex is a must if you plan on climaxing.
Tensing up the lower pelvic muscles works for many women. The contractions of the muscles you squeeze to stop the flow of your urine is called a Kegel exercise — not only is it good for sex, it can also prevent urinary incontinence and other pelvic floor problems.
2. Relax your brain
While relaxing your body might not be the best way to reach orgasm, women should work on relaxing their mind during sex. Focus on enjoying the sensations and don't pressure yourself to climax — no one has you on timer here. If you catch your mind wandering, don't overthink it and slowly direct your attention back to what's happening in the bedroom.
A: It could be physiological.
Female orgasmic dysfunction is totally a thing. If you're sexually aroused and you're stimulated yet still can't seem to climax, it might just be an orgasmic dysfunction, or anorgasmia.
Treating female orgasmic dysfunction isn't straightforward, as it could be caused by many things. There are a multitude of factors that can cause anorgasmia, such as age, physiological conditions, psychological issues, medication, and other medical conditions. Many times, it's a combination of many issues.
Treatments can range from switching medications to therapy to simply more clitoral stimulation. Estrogen therapy works for some women, while others find that supplements and oils help with their arousal. (Always consult with your doctor before trying supplements and over-the-counter meds.)
Not being able to orgasm is frustrating and can negatively impact your relationship. But just because you can't climax now doesn't mean that you won't ever be able to. Fixing this dysfunction won't be easy, but with a lot of patience, you may be able to understand what works best for you and teach your body to fully enjoy sex.