Breakups are such a regular phenomenon. And yet, the advice most of us get about what to do after a breakup is often so unusually irregular and outright insane.
Hit the pub, hang out with your guy friends, organise hen parties for no reason at all. I mean, yes, you can follow this cathartic way of trying to get over your ex. But if you want to move on in a healthy way, the first thing to do is to not drown in your sorrows.
The fact is that dunking your sorrows and then using your breakup as a way of a glow-up, sure feels great. But it requires a whole lot of maturity and patience. And not drunk swiping through Tinder. So if you're still in that breakup funk, follow these steps to get over your ex and start life afresh.
What To Do After A Breakup
1. Block, mute, delete or unfollow- just get your distance
You might love to stick to your pride and not unfriend or unfollow your ex on social media. But its not the right way to heal fast. Sometimes ripping that bandaid off might seem painful at first, but its the best you can do for your wound.
If you think your so called friends are creating screenshots of your every move and talking about how you unfollowed your ex like you are some kind of celebrity, so be it. Because if you don't, you are placing their opinions over your own health and peace.
So opt for a digital cleanse, because it works. Especially when you are in a rut and are constantly wondering what to do after a breakup. This is it!
2. Plan something you love
If you are suspecting a breakup or are calling it quits yourself, you can try to create an exciting plan afterwards. The basic premise is to take your mind away from the emotional experience you just had and not fall back into the trap of constantly thinking about your ex.
Whether it is an Eat-Pray-Love-esque experience, or going for dance classes, or just catching up on an activity you loved, but couldn't follow through because of your date time. Just do it, get back into it and give yourself some 'me time.'
3. Be active and keep it moving
How you are physically greatly affects how you feel mentally. If you are constantly lying on your bed, just procrastinating about the future or just plain drowning in sorrows, you'll get depressed. So allow yourself a month of cocooning and then get back into your routine.
Just go for a walk, or hit the gym, and just be active. Exercise releases endorphins and serotonin, which are both happy hormones. If you've got it in you, sign up for a cycling class or a Zumba special with your girls. Just keep moving.
4. Get ready to make new friends
Some might argue that after a certain age it become difficult to make new friends. Don't fall into that BS. making new friends is not difficult if you're up for it and/or have just gotten out of a relationship.
Yes, if your ex was your BFF, things can become more difficult. But just know that it happens to many people and that you are not alone. Instead, use this as an opportunity to make new friends who can encourage you and help you come into your own.
In addition to offering you some advice, your friends can help you move on, take you out and just let you be you.
5. Grieve, but not forever
Yes, heartbreaks are tough. You cannot get over them in just a day or with just one party. It needs a bit of time, patience, and tears. But not forever.
You might already realise that its time to get back into normalcy and get cracking with your routine. But you refuse to. However, know that indulging in too much self-care can do more harm than good. Trying to grieve to get over your ex by sitting your sweatpants and avoiding any social gathering, might actually push you into more wallowing.
Instead, in order to get out of the rut, force yourself to indulge in doing activities that push you away from your comfort zone. If you're learning what to do after a breakup, constant grieving is a definite No-No!
6. Be super careful about hookups
Okay, so you might want to get out and hookup at this point. But rebound sex as goos as it gets, is never really the solution to get over somebody. TBH, irrespective of your relationship status you might crave physical intimacy.
But hookups are super casual. And the guy who just pleasured you post your breakup might seem like your soulmate now. But you might end up realising that he is just interested in booty calls. (Also his obsession with Jason Momoa is not healthy. RUN!)
7. Love yourself before you love somebody else
Self love is the most important kind of love there is. Before you become somebody's partner, you need to know your self worth. Ask yourself: Why have you let that person in? Do they respect and love you the way you respect and love yourself?
If you're just in it because you think your biological clock is ticking or you don't want to be single when you are 30. This is not the right reason to start a relationship.
Ideally, even in a steady relationship, you need your alone time. And if you can still be your own individual person and enjoy with your new partner, then that's a relationship that works. If you're on the path to learning what to do after a breakup, getting into a relationship quickly out or peer or societal pressure is not the answer.