Is Your Man Gay? Don't Be So Sure

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The signs of bisexuality in males may not be that apparent at first

When Michelle discovered from her husband Tim’s messages that he was cheating on her with a man, she was heartbroken. She felt betrayed and humiliated, and rushed to a therapist for consolation. It was here she learnt that Tim wasn’t gay. In fact, he was exhibiting what the counsellor called “classic signs of bisexuality in males.”

Looking for sex with men doesn’t necessarily make a man gay. Sexual orientation is subjective and a complex state of being. If a person is gay, its because they are attracted to the same gender and may be clear about their sexual orientation. 

But when it comes to bisexuality, its almost as if a person is unable to choose between men and women—they want both. But how does this happen and how does it change a person?

Before we delve into the signs of bisexuality in males, let’s dig a little into what it really is and what happens if a person is bisexual. 

What Is Bisexuality?  

By definition, a bisexual man is one who is able to identify and honour his physical, emotional and sexual attraction toward all genders.

However, let’s clear one thing, a mere appreciation of persons of the same gender does not count as being bisexual. If the feelings go beyond appreciation and into the realm of attraction, then that’s what you can call being bisexual. 

In his earlier research, sexologist and biologist Alfred Kinsey explained the phenomenon in males through the Kinsey scale. He explained that a man who measured ‘0’ on the scale (0-10) was heterosexual.

While on who measured ‘6’ was homosexual and one who scored a ‘3’ was bisexual. This scale plainly explains that sexuality isn’t a black or white matter, but somewhere in the middle.   

Why Is My Partner Bisexual? 

Now it is natural for somebody to be bisexual. The reasons could be many. Sometimes it is social factors, neglectful same sex parenting, sexual abuse or even hormones.

More often than not, a bisexual man may not be completely sure of his sexual orientation and it may be a learning process for him. This also means that a bisexual man may be in a monogamous relationship without knowing about this unique sexual orientation. Just because they are bisexual doesn’t mean they do not wish to have a family or children. 

Which brings us to the most important part of the debate: what are the signs of bisexuality in males. Since they cannot recognise it, can you as their partner help them understand what’s happening. 

7 Signs Of Bisexuality In Males 

signs of bisexuality in males

If your partner’s appreciation for other mens’ physical appearance often turns into appreciation of their sex appeal, that’s a sign. |  Image courtesy: Pixabay

As a partner, you might get confused by your man’s behaviour around his male friends. Why is he so physical with them? Do they have a platonic relationship? Can it be sexual? These questions might haunt you. 

If so, look for the following signs of bisexuality in males in order to better understand them. 

  • Your partner stares at men and is often complementary and physical around them
  • He likes anal sex and often coaxes you into massaging his prostate or skips the vagina altogether
  • Your man also likes to spend a lot of his time with his male friends and you often notice him sitting uncomfortably close to them
  • You see his friends showing their feminine side and they are often engaged on the phone with your partner 
  • Your sex life is dwindling and you are often the one who initiates 
  • His appreciation for other mens’ physical appearance often turns into appreciation of their sex appeal 
  • He likes man-on-man porn and shares fantasies that involve another man. 

Now, if these instances are a regular occurrence, you should trust your instincts and work on your relationship accordingly. Yes, at first it may shock you and you might feel deceived. But you should try to give your relationship a chance, if possible. 

Do not blame yourself for how your partner feels. There are many happy bisexual relationships and marriages, but as is the case with any partnership, they also require effort. In that case, there are ways you can work together. 

How Do Deal With A Bisexual Partner 

As you begin to accept your partner’s sexual orientation, you may or may not want to remain together. But if you do, here are a few things you’ll have to do. 

  • Understand each other. You may not be able to change who he is or even yourself, but you can show your support for your partner and help them as well as yourself live a meaningful life. 
  • Keep an open communication. Speaking honestly and openly with each other about your sexual orientation can clear many misunderstandings. 
  • Connect with an expert. If required, take the help of a counsellor who can explain what’s going on in your marriage. And if it does end, end on a positive note so you allow yourself and your partner the dignity and respect they deserve. 

Finally, remember that nobody has the right to tell you to panic and divorce your partner or end your relationship. You best understand what you’re dealing with and you are the only one who can choose for yourself. 

Also read:India Decriminalises Gay Sex. But Where Does Asia Stand On The Subject?

(Feature & lead images courtesy: Pixabay)

Written by

Deepshikha Punj