The One Question You MUST Ask On Your First Date

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First dates are a often dicey and seem similar to job interviews. But this unique question to ask your date can change that forever.

First dates are potentially make-or-break and sometimes seem no different than job interviews. In order to make the most out of the situation, look beyond cliché questions that everyone simply rehashes out of habit. Instead, come up with a unique question to ask your date that may seem counterintuitive.

In the middle of all that nervousness, take the risk and ask your date exactly what you want to know, however much it may seem off limits for a first date etiquette.

THE Question To Ask Your Date

Well, the only question to ask your date is: “What is the one thing you want to ask me, but you are too nervous to ask?” 

Asking this question will allow your date to relax, get out of their head, and open up to ease the awkwardness. Also, this makes it a good opportunity for you to have a long and intimate conversation and even ask the tougher questions. What tough questions, you ask? Well, the tough topics that may be broached are endless, such as these:

  • Do you do drugs/are you an alcoholic/ are you a smoker?
  • What are your political affiliations?
  • Are you religious?
  • Tell me about your exes? 
  • What are you looking for in this relationship?

Topics like politics and religion are often controversial and people avoid talking about them, especially on their first dates. But if you get your potential partner comfortable enough, instead of shying away from these subjects, they might even open up about them. It is better to find out if you are incompatible sooner rather than later.

If your previous date was an alcoholic, try asking this person if they drink or do a lot of drugs. If you previously dated someone who ended things because they were scared your relationship was moving too fast, ask your date if they see themselves getting married or settling down with kids in the future.

Why You Should Ask This Question

question to ask your date

Figure out the deal breakers and non-negotiables early by asking this question. | Image courtesy: Unsplash

The aim of this question to ask your date is to set up a foundation of trust, intimacy and mutual compatibility. Since both of you are willing to share and connect deeply from the start. Shorten the process to figure out compatibility from date one and not waste more dates only to learn that he actually does not believe in monogamy, for starters.

Certain issues important to people like religion and political affiliation should be asked on a first date. Figure out the deal breakers and non-negotiables early, and hopefully heave a sigh of relief to confirm mutual compatibility from the start before you actually start catching feelings.

It is also attractive to be authentic and transparent upfront with what you want, although it is never easy. But the question to ask your date you would otherwise be too embarrassed or nervous to ask will guarantee to save you a lot of heartbreak in the long-term.

Isn’t it better to ask the tough questions now, before you head down towards a lifelong commitment of misery? 

Avoid These Questions To Not Scare Your Date Away

On the other hand, you may run the risk of scaring your potential date away seeming intrusive and demanding, even if the question seems light and harmless.

Indeed, it is a tricky balance to navigate, but if you tread carefully, you will be able to score a second date. However, avoid asking these questions. 

1. Are you dating anyone else?

Even if unintentional, this question implies that you already want to be exclusive. This might make you seem clingy right off the bat, even though it might logically make sense, if you decide to get serious.

But on a first date, it is safe to assume that your date has other options. Asking this question will just make yourself sound unnecessarily needy and controlling.

2. You seem great, so why are you still single?

This question makes you seem judgemental and that there is something wrong with being single. Maybe that person has not found the one they want to settle down with yet, and they are selective in who they decide to marry.
 
If you meet someone who seems amazing and is still single, refrain from asking them this question. Simply appreciate and be happy that you get to share this connection with them!

3. You are not crazy, are you?

It is easy to judge when you do not know the full story of a new person. Maybe you have been meeting a lot of ‘crazy’ people, and asking this might appear harmless, but may come off as off-putting to your date.
 
They might start wondering why you are attracting so many “crazy” people in the first place. It is best indeed to focus on deeper questions that actually reveal more important qualities of your date.
 
(All images courtesy: Unsplash, Shutterstock)

Written by

Melia Widjaja