Maybe you broke up with him and you realise you’ve made a mistake. Maybe he broke up with you and you just can’t deal with not having him in your life any longer. Whatever the circumstances of your breakup, you’d do anything to make him yours again — but how?
Contrary to what Hollywood might’ve let you believe, getting back together with your ex isn’t as simple as making a big romantic gesture — like surprising them with a song and dance number or filling their workplace with bouquets of roses. This might work if your breakup was due to your ex not feeling your affection, but chances are, he knows very well how you feel about him, and he still broke up with you.
To make him yours again for good, both of you need to do work.
Though it isn’t easy to get your ex back, it isn’t impossible. And though most people would caution against going back to your ex, if both of you have grown into more mature people who are willing to work through your problems, your second time around might be so much better.
Here’s what you need to do to make him yours again.
1. Give your ex some space.
We know you miss your ex, and we know you’re dying to reach out and just go back to the way things were ASAP. But you can’t force that to happen. The best thing you can do at this point is give your ex enough time to miss you, as well as giving yourself space to heal.
2. Be kind to yourself.
One main reason why you might be dying to make him yours again simply because you’re used to him. This is precisely why you need to learn how to be happy without your ex.
And we know this is easier said than done. It’ll take time, and you’ll have some difficult days, but you might end up realising that you’re better off with your ex and count yourself lucky that you aren’t together anymore.
Then again, even after learning to be happy without your ex, you might realise that you’re ready to try to work things out with him again. The important thing is that you’re emotionally healthy when you attempt to get back together with your ex — not a vulnerable mess who might be jumping back into a really bad situation.
3. Understand why you broke up.
People don’t just break up for no good reason, so figuring out what went wrong is the first step to reconciliation. Perhaps he was too clingy. Perhaps you were too jealous. Perhaps you had problems in communication.
You can’t grow if you don’t confront the problems that caused your relationship to fail. This is difficult if you were the problem (because you’ll have to change your behaviour), but it’s especially difficult if he was the problem (because you have no control over your ex’s behaviour).
Analyse your relationship and its downfall and ask yourself: is this fixable? Is getting back together a good idea? If it’s a fixable problem, then your relationship has a shot. If not, you’ll be setting yourself for heartbreak by pursuing reconciliation with your ex.
4. Keep your meeting casual.
Once you’ve come to the conclusion that you really want him back in your life, start the conversation. Yes, it could get really awkward — and you need to prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection — but when you’re ready, ask them if they’re free to hang out and take it from there.
Tell them how much thought you’ve given your relationship and why you two should give it another shot. If he feels the same way, great. If he doesn’t, don’t let it get you down — at least you said what you needed to say. No regrets.
5. Remember that you don’t need him to make you happy.
Regardless of whether or not you and your ex get back together, you need to learn how to love and appreciate yourself. Your life shouldn’t revolve around whether or not you’re in a relationship. Remember: you are more than enough.