"I Didn't Know I Was The 'Other Woman'. Here's How I Found Out."
tl;dr: Men are trash.
In cheating narratives, the Other Woman is often portrayed as the bad guy — she’s the temptress, the homewrecker, the Jezebel. But many times, the Other Woman doesn’t know that the man she’s seeing is attached in the first place. Here are some stories from real women who found out they were the other woman, and some tips on how to stop being the other woman.
1. “He told me he was separated”
“I was 18 or 19, he was a little older, like 24 or something. Told me he was separated, one kid. We go on a few dates, I really like him, eventually go back to his place on one of those dates in the mid-afternoon. We’re in the middle of sexy times and a car pulls into the driveway and he goes sheet white. I knew immediately when the woman got out of the car, and I’m pretty sure the look on my face could kill. Threw on my clothes, gave him a few choice words about not using other people. Stepped outside and fully expected this woman to rip me a new asshole, immediately told her we’d been dating and ‘I didn’t know he was still married, he told me he was separated and I’m so very sorry.’ His wife is simply amazeballs. ‘Naw, sugar, that’s alright. Because we’re separated now and I’m about to pack all his shit up and throw it out on the porch. You wanna help me set it on fire?'” (via)
2. “I found out through his wife’s blog”
“A guy I had a strictly physical relationship with. First he was going through a complicated divorce. Then it came out that he lived in a spare bedroom in the basement. Uh huh. Found his wife’s blog – she thought they were happy.” (via)
3. “The wife called me a homewrecker”
“I didn’t find out until two months in when she called me. Happened twice. I was accused of being a homewrecker even though I was oblivious.” (via)
4. “I’m friends with his (now ex-)girlfriend now”
“His (pregnant!) girlfriend found out about me and messaged me on facebook. I gave her my phone number, and we talked for probably 2 hours about him, lining things up and exchanging the lies he told us both. I honestly had no idea. We think there was a third girl, too. But we’ll probably never know now… Overall, it was a horrible experience. But I did make a friend out of it, which is nice. Just wish her and I had met on different terms.” (via)
5. “He tried to paint me as a crazy girl”
“I was in college and started dating a Mormon guy from class. He told me I couldn’t come over because his roommates would tell his parents I wasn’t Mormon. Three months goes by and he starts cheating off my homework and I find out. He disappears at the end of the term so I decided to look up any info I could find on him. In my search, I discovered he was married. I spoke to his wife for several hours. He tried to paint me as a crazy girl. I guess this wasn’t his first time.” (via)
6. “The wife punched me”
“I met this guy at the local post office. Cute, funny, really outgoing. We agreed to meet for drinks at a local bar later that week. So we go in our date and close the bar that night (2am-ish) and leave and go to our cars. We’re talking close/making out next to my car (nothing too crazy) and this car pulls up and a lady jumps out and gets in my face. She’s yelling at me, yelling at him and pushing him, and I yell back ‘Who the fuck are you?!’ And she screams back ‘HIS WIFE!’ and then >POW< She sucker punches me right in my face. I looked at her, looked at him, then got in my car and left. Woke up the next morning with a small black eye.” (via)
7. “Her toiletries tipped me off”
“One night stand, woke up to her picture on the nightstand. Was still pretty drunk so my first rational thought was “Huh, he and his sister are close.” Went to the bathroom, happen to look in the open shower. ‘Weird, we have the same pink razor.’ That’s when my brain kinda woke up and I checked the cabinet, two toothbrushes, ladies and men’s deodorant, etc. Got dressed as quickly/quietly as possible and left. He texted me a few hours later asking if I’d snuck out, I responded by asking if he had a girlfriend. He said it was ‘complicated’.” (via)
How to stop being the other woman: 3 Things to remember
Getting out of an affair isn’t easy, especially if you didn’t know you were having one in the first place. Finding out after you’ve developed deep feelings for your partner makes the situation even more complicated. Here are some things you should keep in mind to help you figure out how to stop being the other woman.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
Even though it’s easy to think of the wife/girlfriend as evil — especially if you’re just going by his word — you have to understand that what you’re doing is hurting someone. How would you want to be treated if you were in a similar situation?
If your partner says that he loves you and he wants to be with you, he should have done something to make that official from the get-go. The longer your relationship goes, the more you should be able to detect his BS. Get your head out of the clouds and see the crappy situation for what it really is.
Remember that you deserve more than this
You don’t deserve to be treated like a second fiddle and you don’t deserve to get scraps of someone’s affection. You deserve to be loved just as wholeheartedly and generously as you are willing to love another person, and settling for less than that is just cheating yourself of something wonderful. Even though it’ll hurt to walk away from this, remember that you’ll be doing yourself a favour.
Also read: Is He Cheating Or Am I Paranoid?