Wondering How To Find True Love In Life? Read THIS
Millennials often don't know how to find true love in life because they create too many emotional and physical boundaries around themselves
Let’s admit it, falling in love is hard. There is no greater quest than finding something as elusive as love. And, you’ve been in relationships before, you know that it is even harder if you’ve been hurt. So then how to find true love in life?
While speaking with Bustle, she shared that some people can easily move on to another relationship, while others find it hard to let go of their past. And that’s what makes falling in love again, so much more harder.
“They cannot let go of obsessing over the details of what happened and what they could have done differently or what they wish they had said. They cannot relax their bodies and allow love to flow because it feels too dangerous to surrender in that way ever again,” Winters noted.
The silver lining however, is that you are not alone.
Many people find it tough to let of their past experiences and become untrusting of others. They find the same faults in everybody they meet and allow past complications to control their present.
Some even feel that dating doesn’t work for them or that they are too bored. But its actually their past experiences that hold them back.
How To Find True Love In Life: Its Just A Three-Step Process
If you’re one of those who feel that your past is still very much a part of your present, then Winters lists three essential steps for finding love.
1. Forgive yourself
Winters says that while there is a lot of discussion about forgiving others, not many people forgive themselves.
“In my practice, this is KEY. No matter what has happened to you in your past, it is up to you to let it go and find compassion for yourself for what occurred,” she notes.
Sometimes when people are in an abusive relationship, whether mental or physical they tend to blame themselves—for either not coming out of it quickly or letting it happen in the first place. Either way, this can be toxic for their own well-being.
“They ask themselves, ‘What was wrong with me that I put up with that for so long?’ Then they feel like they are as much to blame as them. They also lose trust in their ability to set healthy boundaries or stand up for themselves, so a relationship seems like scary territory since they feel ill-equipped to handle it. This makes them very hesitant to ever allow themselves to ‘fall in love’ again, where they might lose control and end up in trouble,” she shares.
Winters adds that people must remember that no matter how the relationship was, you must not blame yourself. Not all relationships are the same. So once you forgive yourself, it’ll be easier for you to know how to find true love in life.
2. Let your physical guard down
More often than not, we hold on to our emotional scars physically. If we have been hurt in our past relationships, its amazing how much of it is reflected on the outside.
Winters says that emotional hurt leaves a physical scar, so to speak.
“They make us want to take on a defensive stance in intimacy, with the idea that if we preemptively defend ourselves, we will ensure our safety, we will make sure we never experience that level of pain again. The problem is, the defensiveness creates its own problems. Not only do we feel separate and alone and unable to deeply connect with another person, we also lose touch with pleasure. The density of defense creates a numbing aspect in the body,” she shares.
The expert adds that oftentimes people feel that they are in a wrong relationship. But they don’t realise that they are creating these boring relationships by being unwilling to open up.
3. Let yourself fall in love
One of the key ways to understand how to find true love in life is to allow yourself to fall for somebody again.
“Your past will only hold you back if you allow it to dim your love-light, if you allow it to harden your heart and shut down your sexuality, or if you allow it to make you paranoid and believe in the inevitability of pain and betrayal,” Winter told Bustle.
“Don’t let it. Make a decision to love like you’ve never been hurt. This doesn’t mean you go into relationships naive or blind. This means you let the past create the wisdom of discernment (you get the value of the lessons you have learned) but you are simultaneously willing to be vulnerable again, open again, and willing to love fully again,” she adds.
If you’ve been hurt before, it would certainly be difficult to fall in love again. But just by being willing to try these steps can help you find your soulmate and perhaps your one true love.
So forgive yourself, let your guard down and allow yourself to like and love others. You’ll be amazed to see how many wonderful relationships you’ll forge in the process.