Everyone knows that feeling of fluttering in your belly. Usually followed by a loud "Uh Oh" in your brain.
You've been dating this wonderful person for awhile and suddenly, butterflies take over your stomach. You sit there thinking, this could be the one. This could actually go somewhere!
You're getting all the right vibes, sex is way awesome and you cannot imagine a day without his or her presence.
In a grand turn of events, you aren't alone in these feelings. But here's the thing. Life marks everyone in different ways.
Before the both of you venture into the permanent stages of a relationship, try asking each other these questions first.
You'll thank yourselves for it later.
Dating tips for lasting love: 6 questions to ask
1. What are your past traumas and how actively are you working to learn about their manifestations in your life?
There's a reason this question was top of the list. It is the most critical one. Everyone has their fair share of hang ups in life. As a growing human being, you need to be open enough about what has hurt you in the past and how you're resolving to work on your emotional baggage.
Most relationships fail as couples don't communicate life before the relationship, enough. This means an inability to recognise or extend support when someone is manifesting signs related to a past trauma. That also includes involuntary reactions to a situation or even projecting frustration onto your partners in a given circumstance. Not talking about what has hurt you and what to look out for in each other, can breed major gaps in understanding.
As adults, we bear a responsibility to learn and discover ourselves as we grow. Even emotionally. It is not our partner's responsibility to heal us. It is ours, to make sure we show our true selves from the start and let the other decide if they are willing to stand by your flaws.
2. What helps lift your mood when having a bad day?
Newsflash, our partners are and never were mind readers.
If it seemed that way, it's that they got really good at reading your cues. Don't forget to appreciate them for it regularly!
That said, keep in mind that only we know ourselves best. We shouldn't shy away from communicating our needs to our partners– ever. This means, opening up even when we are most upset. Of all the people in the world, our partners are the shoulders we've choses to cry on. And you can bet they will go out of their way to make you feel better again.
Human beings are touch puzzles to crack as such. There is really no need to go and add on more mystery for our partners to decipher. Tell them what makes you smile so they can make sure they do their best when you're in need of some TLC. Don't take their knowledge and learning of your for granted. It is a two-way process!
3. What are your thoughts on having and raising a family?
This is another super important point to discuss as early as possible. It might avoid some painful truths like: being in a long-term relationship with someone, only to realise the both of you have very different ideals concerning family planning. This happens a lot more than you think!
People are driven by different needs, goals and wants in life. People also change. It is best when embarking on a new journey, for two individuals to align themselves on these areas and discuss life expectations.
No one wants to go though the devastation of a break-up only because we failed to ask ourselves if 5 years from now, we would want the same things. Especially if it concerns such a fundamental and sensitive topic as children or having a family.
4. What about any sexual fantasies and fetishes (if any) you might have?
Even individually, this is a deeply personal question. It's best to show tact with this question and keep an open disposition. You don't want to make your partner feel shunned or shamed for having intimate desires.
As you're about to start this new relationship, you're also on a journey of intimate discovery of each other. It's a time to make each other feel safe, not only emotionally or physically but also in the bedroom.
It is also important to share on this particular topic so as to avoid future disappointments. For all you know you might not be able to accept your other's inclination towards BDSM. It's best to set the record straight form the start, to know where your comfort zones are on the topic of sex.
If anything, you might even share the same fantasies and get busy together.
5. How do you handle conflict or disagreement in a relationship?
Many will tell you strife is pretty much a norm in any healthy relationship. The odd argument is bound to surface at some point.
What you should be discussing early however, is your different reactions to this situation which can be hot and messy.
This is about measuring your tolerance levels for the most basic of human reactions, like anger. Perhaps your partner is the sort to lash out in anger and say really dumb, hurtful things. Or you might be the type to completely shout off, give the cold shoulder for days and refuse contact.
Either way, it is a good idea to healthily and proactively approach this topic so to understand what to do when a fight breaks. With understanding comes avoidance of conflict escalation. You're both on the same page on how to diffuse or engage with each other in times of conflict.
6.What are your major pet peeves
You'd be surprised how many will never tolerate you squeezing that tooth paste tube from the middle.
Habits are awfully hard to break or change. People are creatures of habit as they say.
Keep in mind, everyone is an oddball in their own way, everyone has their own pet peeves. The trick is learning what you can or cannot accept of each other.
This includes assessing your other's habits and flaws on a long term perspective. What may look super adorable to you now, may turn into your worst nightmare later.
Talk about your habits and pet peeves together and see where you find you are able to compromise or simply, not.
Serious break-ups have happened over anything from chewing food too loudly, to never being punctual.
It's true some may find it hard to broach these topics when a fresh relationship is budding. Love is in the air, but so is reality and life. Always keep that in check.
These dating tips for lasting love could already have you uncover or deduce fundamental differences.
No harm in getting to know each other better or deeper, right from the start.